Regular reminder:
1. You are the only one you can control. Taking maximum accountability for your choices and experiences makes you are an empowered creator of your life instead of a victim.
If someone is hurting you and you do not distance yourself - you are the one to blame. Not them.
2. Your narratives play a big role in the decisions you ultimately make. Being vigilant about pruning or rewriting false narratives or narratives that no longer serve you allows you to write a new, better story.
If you tell yourself comforting lies then you will make ill-informed decisions that undermine your happiness and success.
3. You and your decisions are not immutable. New information will produce new decisions. You get to change your narratives and choices every second of every day.
Who do you want to be tomorrow? Decide on the ideal and work backward from there.
Product & Startup Builder
Democrats need to reframe the debate
If I was part of the new Biden administration, the first thing I’d do is release a glossary of terms and policies we believe in - specifically designed to reframe the debate.
I’d tell the extreme left that “We can not make major strides forward if we're arguing amongst ourselves about each issue. Our strategy will be to peruse the art of the possible. Get on board and let’s move the ball down the field. We’re going to start by choosing more inclusive phrases that everyone can get behind.”
I'd tell the extreme right that "Most of what you've heard from your friends and conservative media is a lie. We are not socialists. We are not the enemy. We do not have a secret plan to take away your guns or your healthcare. Listen carefully to our actual words and watch the results of our actions and you will find the truth - the rest is just propaganda designed to make you afraid of real and essential progress."
I’d say...
Instead of “defund the police”, we’re going to “help the police”. Specifically, we’re going to invest more in social services, mental health services, and work with departments to teach de-escalation. Our police deserve to have an entire army of supporting services to help them protect and support our communities.
Instead of “black lives matter” we’re going to say “black lives deserve justice too”. Specifically, we're going to work to ensure our laws and our systems compensate for historical and ongoing injustices that hold back our friends and neighbors from having equal access to liberty and freedom.
Instead of talking about “socialism” we’re going to talk about “progressive values”. Specifically, we’re going to develop a new, gentler capitalism that has clear rules that balance the needs of labor with the needs of corporations and shareholders.
Instead of talking about “big government” vs “small government” we’re going to talk about "smart government" that effectively does what government must do. Protect the nation and protect the most vulnerable from suffering and violence.
Instead of talking about a “minimum wage”, we’re going to talk about “living wage”. Because no one deserves to be a modern-day slave. If you work a full-time job, you should be able to pay your rent and put food on the table.
Instead of talking about “more taxes” and “lower taxes” we’re going to talk about making sure that taxes are fairer and easier to understand and pay.
Instead of talking about “healthcare” and “Obamacare” we’re going to talk about “the right to life”. We believe that people deserve to live without going bankrupt or dying because of profit-hungry insurance companies.
Instead of “left” vs “right”, we’re going to talk about moving "forward" together.
None of this is particularly hard. Many advanced countries have done it before us. But in the last couple of decades, we have been so hell-bent on fighting each-other and fearing our government that we have fallen behind on the essential work of keeping our citizens safe, educated, and healthy. We must work together to catch up and keep up with the rest of the developed world or risk losing the American dream forever.
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That’s how hearts and minds are won. Through language and reframing the argument.
Democrats suck at this. They must get better.
Biden wins! But it's not over.
9/11 was a day of terror the world will never forget. In many ways, Trump’s presidency was (and will likely continue to be for quite some time) a sustained terrorizing of the American and global population for 4 years.
Every day, every tweet, every executive order was a horrifying display of leadership without empathy, courage or concern for the people. Many seemed designed as a tool of psychological warfare. It was a case study for how a system that relied on norms and basic human decency could be abused and contorted to serve the whims of bigotry, selfishness and fear.
Biden is like a healing balm that might take the temperature down. But he is not a cure.
America still suffers from the illness of coronavirus. It still has an electoral college and districting system that suppresses the vote. It’s still filled with undereducated and underpaid people who’s education and social system has failed them - making them sick, desperate and scared. It is still lead - in large part - by disgusting craven men who have no shame, courage or empathy.
This is to say nothing of what Trump and his cult will do next.
I am relieved that Donald is experiencing some nominal consequences for his character and actions over the last four years. But this is not over. Not by a long shot.
Remember your agency. I have not just been "Lucky".
“You won the lottery”. “You’re lucky”. “It’s easy for you.”
These are the some of the phrases that I hear a lot from well-meaning friends and acquaintances. They’re all different ways of saying the same thing. That to them, the aspects of my life that they can see from social media and occasional parties are the result of good fortune.
I thought instead of sharing some good news or political opinions today, I’d, instead, take the time to share some of the hard or intentional things I’ve had to do to get where I am.
I absolutely do not do this for anyone to feel sorry for me or to suggest that my life is harder than someone else’s. I know that I have some incredible baseline privilege in my life. To name just a few: Being a straight man born to great parents in a middle class family, in a relatively safe neighborhood, in a safe and generous country, with relatively few outwardly disabling genetic illnesses.
But I have also faced (and still continue to face) hard decisions and challenges. I want to share just a few of these because it might inspire people to recognize their own agency in the face of adversity.
1. Health: Depending on many factors that change over the course of my life, I have either mild or acute social anxiety that flares on a weekly or even daily basis. This will often result in anything from slight shortness of breath all the way to full-blown panic attacks that make me want to throw up. This has been a significant factor in pretty much all of my movements throughout my life. From simply going to the shopping center all the way to jumping on a plane to go to Silicon Valley or taking on new jobs, having important meetings with clients and of course public speaking. It makes literally everything harder and, I believe, has been a major limiting factor in my career and contentment. Things that might otherwise be happy occasions - like my wedding - were things to dread and situations to manage so that my own mental health wouldn’t get in the way of my happiness and the happiness of my partner and friends.
2. Relationship: Aliya and I have an amazing relationship and we intentionally “love out loud”. That means we are affectionate in public and often post about each other on social media. But any relationship is not easy to create nor is it easy to maintain. For example I was born and raised in Australia and she was born and raised in Pakistan. The result is big cultural differences involving religion, world views and popular culture. These were not just things we had to overcome between each other, but they were also something that deeply concerned her family. We (especially Aliya) had to work very hard to put her family at ease about our relationship before taking it to the next level - right up to and including our wedding day. The differences between us and the concerns from her family were not trivial. We have each had to make incredibly intentional and hard compromises and evolutions to be in each others life. This barely scratches the surface of what it takes to make our amazing relationship work. But we DK all of this because we love each other and we know we are right for each other. We do it because we know anything worthwhile takes intentional effort. Our partnership is not luck. It is a choice that we make every day.
3. Work: While my work and my situation right now is profitable, this is only a recent development. It is the result of constant grinding over 20+ years. I have launched and built countless projects and companies. Each of them has failed to live up to my hopes and expectations in their own way. Up until recently, all of my work has really resulted in very little monetary success. It’s required resilience, grit, consistency, curiosity, optimism, risk-taking, and an enormous force of will (particularly in the face of my anxiety) to keep moving forward and get to where I am. It is exactly this difficult journey that makes it possible for me to relate to - and add value to - the journey of founders and startups today.
This is by no means an exhaustive list. Nor does it go into every difficult detail. Not even close. But I hope these few examples can serve as inspiration to others who feel like they have hard things to deal with or that others people have it easy.
Finally I’d like to say that I am available for anyone who is reading this. If you were going through a tough time and need someone to talk to, I am here!
How I think
I was just thinking about how I think today. Meta!
The following description and diagram came to mind:
I try to always make "ideal" decisions and actions.
What is ideal? For me, it is a decision or action that is at the intersection of Love & Optimism, Maximum Justice, Kindness and generosity, Effectiveness, Effectiveness, My Intentions & goals, Exceptionalism, Personal gratification.
Each of those must be grounded in the "Objective Truth". That is a roughly right model of the world that is as free of bias and dogma as possible. Typically determined by curiosity, perspective, intuition, and introspection.
“I’m a daughter”
“I’m a daughter”
My wife Aliya came home and told me that the staff at Bunnings (think “costco for home improvement” for my non-Australian friends) are wearing this kind of label on their uniforms now.
We both knew immediately what it meant. When she told me it instantly broke my heart. Aliya confirmed our hypothesis with the staff member.
Service staff are being harassed and abused by customers. This label is intended to remind potential abusers of their humanity.
You really can’t argue someone into a broader and more generous sense of empathy.
They either have it or they don’t.
Maybe you can help someone get a fuller sense of the context and facts of someone else’s life. Maybe even you can remind them, in a heated moment, of their existing empathetic instincts. But it seems to me, some people lack the basic ability to imagine themselves in someone else’s shoes.
The former might be helpful when dealing with complex issues like systemic racism and poverty. It might even be useful when dealing with a detached voice over the phone that is only providing scripted responses. But for people to require a reminder of someone’s basic humanity when they are right in front of them, in a store, face-to-face? It’s beyond me.
I can’t believe it needs to be said over and over, but here it is again. A snippet from the section on Empathy from my upcoming book:
“One of the ways to improve your empathy is to remember that everyone is suffering. Each of us wears different masks in different contexts. A work mask, a friendship mask, a family mask, and so on.
Either through conscious effort or through a simple limitation of our facial expressions and communication skills, those masks often reveal only a small fraction of the emotional journey going on inside us. It is even more rare that we can fully express the depths of our childhood traumas or the personal challenges we’re going through. This is especially so at work.
Despite knowing this about ourselves, we often accept whatever we are presented (a polished or dialed down version), forgetting about the suffering of the people with whom we are interacting each day.
Leaders try to remember that the inner emotional journey of others is likely as rich, complex, and difficult as their own. It is a journey they might not even fully understand, or one of which they may not be completely conscious. They recognize that maintaining a healthy relationship with anyone must start with internalizing this fact. Doing so often means that any generous interpretation of (and reaction to) others’ actions includes empathy and patience for their suffering, their perspective, and their fears. Leaders also know that they might sometimes need to play a role in alleviating the suffering of the people they encounter.”
In short: try to be kinder please.
Understanding Black Lives Matter if you've never lived in the US.
A number of my Australian and other non-US friends are struggling to understand “Black Lives Matter”. To help them understand the situation a little. better, I wrote the following on Facebook last week.
“Black Lives Matter” has very little to do with you or your lived experience right now - so don’t feel bad if you don’t get it.
Here’s some context that might make it clearer so you can show some empathy for our American friends.
The phrase might be better and more accurately written “Black Lives Matter, Too”
It is in response to ongoing, pervasive, and often intentional, *systemic* racism in the US. Therefore this is not about individuals against individuals. It is not just about 1 or 2 police shootings. It is about institutionalized *systems* designed to oppress a specific group of people built right into the government and laws.
This has been going on since the country's founding and continues to this day. From slavery to Jim Crow, to specific laws designed to entrap and disenfranchise African Americans - they have *never* had equity in the US.
For a simple example: Right now, the US prison system is (massively) disproportionately overflowing with African Americans and other people of color. More than were ever enslaved during the era of slavery. This is not because they are naturally more prone to crime. It’s because a legacy of oppression, under and over-policing, and laws designed to make their benign behavior criminal (e.g crack cocaine penalties are harsher than powder cocaine because the former is typically taken by people of color).
The law is also applied unevenly. While an African American might get jail time for possession of a small amount of marijuana, a white youth might get let off with some community service. The resulting criminal history means that they can no longer get work or vote. The cycle repeats.
There are other, more subtle, and pernicious examples. African Americans and other people of color are discouraged or even blocked from voting due to the placement of polling places (not in their neighborhoods), the timing of voting (during their work hours where they are less likely to get time off). Voting districts are drawn to make their vote less meaningful and to ensure that conservatives win elections no matter what (a political leanings that typically makes things worse for minorities). This is known as gerrymandering.
The country’s systems are failing or failed. In particular for people of color. Worse, it’s now in a negative feedback loop. It’s difficult to see how they can pull up out of this nosedive.
Further, with COVID19, poor people have been hardest hit and least supported. All while the stock market goes up and up making the rich, richer, and widening the gap.
In this context, saying “all lives matter” is akin to the fire department saying “all houses matter” while watching yours burn down.
Some notes for those looking to get into Star Trek
These are the shows in order of release and how you should think about them:
Before you get started, just watch the movie “Star Trek: First Contact”. It’s a good place to start. If you like that, then...
Star Trek (also known as Star Trek The Original Series or Star Trek TOS): 60s TV show. Worth watching later if you fall in love with Trek. But you can skip it initially.
Star Trek: The Next Generation (otherwise known as Star Trek TNG): 90s TV show. Gets very good by season 4. I’d start here if you can tolerate some late 80s and early 90s tackiness. This show sets the tone and firmly establishes the ideology for modern Star Trek.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (otherwise known as Star Trek DS9). A darker, more serialized and more sophisticated show. Its set on a space station instead of a space ship. It pressure tests the ideology that is set up in TNG by confronting it with the realities of politics and religion and living with consequences when you’re stuck in a dangerous environment on the fringes or Federation space. Avoid this until the end if you really love trek.
Star Trek: Voyager. A fairly modern show that still holds up well. Initially intended to pressure test the ideology of TNG by confronting it with the reality of being stuck on the other side of the galaxy with no backup and a 75 year journey home. Quickly and mostly abandons that premise for fun adventures. Easy viewing. Start here if you want something more accessible and easy to digest.
Star Trek: Enterprise. Prequel show. Shows the first proper adventures of humans going out into space with a warp capable ship - soon after the events of Star Trek: First Contact (the movie you just watched). Don’t bother right now. Pretty weak.
Star Trek: Discovery. Still being made. Very flashy. Not really authentic to the original spirit of the show. More shooting and less talking.
Understanding Black Lives Matter if you don’t live in the US
For my Australian and other non-US friends who are struggling to understand “Black Lives Matter”.
“Black Lives Matter” has very little to do with you or your lived experience right now - so don’t feel bad if you don’t get it.
Here’s some context that might make it clearer so you can show some empathy for our American friends.
The phrase might be better and more accurately written “Black Lives Matter, Too”
It is in response to ongoing, pervasive and often intentional, *systemic* racism in the US.
Therefore this is not about individuals against individuals. It is not just about 1 or 2 police shootings. It is about institutionalized *systems* designed to oppress a specific group of people built right into the government and laws.
This has been going on since the counties founding and continues to this day. From slavery, to Jim Crow, to specific laws designed to entrap and disenfranchise African Americans - they have *never* had equity in the US.
For a simple example: Right now, the US prison system is (massively) disproportionately overflowing with African Americans and other people of color. More than were ever enslaved during the era of slavery.
This is not because they are naturally more prone to crime. It’s because a legacy of oppression, under and over policing and laws designed to make their benign behavior criminal (e.g crack cocaine penalties are harsher than powder cocaine because the former is typically taken by people of color).
The law is also applied unevenly. While an African American might get jail time for possession of a small amount of marijuana, a white youth might get let off with some community service.
The resulting criminal history means that they can no longer get work or vote. The cycle repeats.
There are other, more subtle and pernicious examples. African Americans and other people of color are discouraged or even blocked from voting due to the placement of polling places (not in their neighborhoods), the timing of voting (during their work hours where they are less likely to get time off). Voting districts are drawn to make their vote less meaningful and to ensure that conservatives win elections no matter what (a political leanings that typically makes things worse for minorities). This is known as gerrymandering.
The country’s systems are failing or failed. In particular for people of color. Worse, it’s now in a negative feedback loop. It’s difficult to see how they can pull up out of this nosedive.
Further, with COVID19, poor people have been hardest hit and least supported. All while the stock market goes up and up making the rich, richer and widening the gap.
In this context, saying “all lives matter” is akin to the fire department saying “all houses matter” while watching yours burn down.
Will things change after this pandemic?
My friend Jeremiah always asks me the most interesting questions.
He just asked “Will anything change after this pandemic? Will we treat the earth better and/or mitigate global warming. This may have been our last warning”
My off the cuff answer...
Nup.
As usual nothing will really change except some of the tech trends that will accelerate.
Work from home, freelancing, streaming, online ordering of everything etc.
And for better or worse, we’ll end up needing to lean on tech to fix the planet after we’ve taken it past the point of no return.
Ocean cleanup devices, tech that extracts carbon from the atmosphere etc. etc.
If we can conceivably terraform Mars we can do it to earth.
To be clear I’m not advocating that we ignore climate change or the urgent need to switch to renewables. I’m just saying that we’re not going to do it fast enough because too many people are too stupid, lazy and slow. #personalperspective
Creating meaning and cheating death with institutions
I watched the last episode of Star Trek: Picard season 1 last night.
I’m not ashamed to say I teared up.
At first it feels ridiculous to be so invested in a TV show and fictional characters. But then I’m reminded it’s like so many other things in life.
We create these long lived institutions that survive generations - certain kinds of car companies, tv shows, sporting teams, companies, governments, religions, families.
They collect so much storied lineage and history long before our birth or involvement, and they continue long after we die.
Then we place ourselves inside them.
Why? Because It helps us feel a part of something bigger, It gives us a sense of legacy and, perhaps, just a little bit of immortality.
This is the way we deal with our mortality, create some meaning in our lives and try to cheat death just a little bit.
The 1%
When you hollow out a society and transfer all the wealth to the 1%, it will be on the verge of collapse at any significant exogenous event. Either personal or society wide.
Coronavirus: Why You Must Act Now
Trump isn’t the problem, We Are. . .
The fact that the popular support is this close is telling. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t horrifying. Trump isn’t the problem. We are.
Question of trumps explicit collusion is irrelevant
Whether or not Trump “colluded” with Russia is irrelevant.
He continues to be complicit with them by denying the facts, sowing division, weakening US alliances and undermining democratic institutions.
The Morning Show
Just finished episode 4 of "The Morning Show" on Apple TV+. This is one of the most important and relevant shows I've seen in a while. It deals with the complexities and nuances of the ongoing US culture wars - particularly #metoo, abortion and more - head-on. Nothing is black-and-white.
One Controversy At A Time
The political media is so funny. They can only handle one controversy at a time. If you don’t give them a new one then they just keep banging on about the old one.
With Michael Bloomberg, they just keep repeating “stop and frisk” as if he hasn’t already apologized for it and only because there’s nothing else of controversy to say about the guy.
We Are Truly Amazing
It’s truly amazing that we, as humans, achieve anything. We spend so much time unconscious, consuming nutrients, expelling waste and bingeing on Netflix.
Buttigieg Hits Back At Biden
His political instincts and articulation are really laser-sharp.
For example, when accused of only doing small things as mayor of his small town, he turned it back on Biden calling Washington politics small-minded - Making Biden seem petty for making small towns a punchline.
When accused of being funded by billionaires he says Bernie is rich and he’d be happy to take his money - we need all the money we can get to fight Trump.
No hesitation, no tangents.
Impressive.
Life Is Truly About Perspective
It’s so easy to see things one way and then, with a fairly simple shift in thinking, completely change the meaning of most events and circumstances.
From one side it’s a 6. From the other, it’s a 9. From one side of this pillar, it’s message is clear, move just 2 feet over and its message is completely the opposite.
This isn’t just a clever trick of an art instilation, it’s true of almost everything in life. This isn’t just a preferable way to live, it’s the only way to live a good and happy life.
If you can’t see the blessings in your life, move around or stand on your head until you do.